[NSFW] Officer: "The victim was dismembered and sacrificed on an altar of antlers". The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs. It’s a great moment for all concerned. When is a car not a car? Yes, that was the punchline. At age 82 they meet and play again. 3.3k votes, 1.1k comments. In the evening, when he came back, his mother asked, ‘How was your day Mohammad?’ He said, ‘My name is not Mohammad. I asked him why and proudly, he said he joined up to kill people. A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport. r/Jokes has a search feature, input the title or punchline of your joke (before posting) and if it's been posted within the last month - please don't submit it. ", The lady says, "What's it telling you now? Priest: - Don't start this shit with me again. Silence fell over the congregation until an old women spoke up from the back pew. Now I'm taking you to church to confess !!! Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?" This is the best one in the thread. I’m in America and my name is Harry.’ His mother slapped him and said angrily: ‘Aren’t you ashamed of trying to dishonour your parents, your heritage, your religion?’ Then she called his father and he also slapped him. “And what happened to my present?” “Which present?” she asks. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. The father took his son to the church and the confessional and closed the door. I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war. The bartender says, "Hey, what's up with the steering wheel?" ", "I'm sorry to hear that," said Kim "Why the sudden change of heart? The pirate replies, "Yarr, it's steering me balls!". "So where you wanna go for lunch?" We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment! The father asked, "How much did you sell them for?". "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and,10,000 fighter planes. We've modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well! "Where you wanna go?" ", Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast.". English is not my first language, that might explain why, but I feel stupid. What's so special about it? "They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts." "I'll get back to you. The pirate replies, "Yar! After you tell your friends a few of the following 63 horse puns and horse jokes, you should be … ", Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. What kind of car does yoda drive? ", "Ah bollix! The pirate replies: Arr, it's drivin me nuts! The first one says "my mother-in-law tastes awful." ""Just water," says the priest. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee. That would mean 2021. and the bartender asks "What's that ship's wheel doing down your pants?! “The one I asked for - an Italian girl!” “Oh, that. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.He says, "Sir, have you been drinking? "Mr. Kim, the war is still on! It's steering me balls. “Okay, let’s give it a try. ", Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically. Father: - It's awful, how could you rob your friends like that ... it's a lot more than those two things are really worth it! Kim asked. She puts her lover in the closet, not knowing that her son is already inside. ", The pirate replies, "Argh, it's driving me nuts. Source Reddit My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer He said... A pirate was complaining about the ship's wheel stuck to the front of his pants. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. ", "...but I tells ya this; it drives me nuts! We’ll just have to wait 9 months to see if it’s a girl.”, If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States, This is not a political post, I just want to travel.